Friday, February 2, 2018

January 16th - Larkyn's Day to Remember!

Neither of our hair is done, and the picture is blurry. captures the moment I am writing about below, and I forever want to remember this moment!

This morning when I got Larkyn up, we were chatting about the day.  She knows today is Colton's spiritual birthday, because we have been talking about and planning for it all week.  She started singing "Happy Birthday" and I think she thought it was Colton's actual birthday!  So, I asked her if she knew what a spiritual birthday was.  She said "no".  I told her that on this day several years ago, Colton made the decision to ask Jesus to take away his sins and clean out his heart from all the bad stuff he had done.  Colton walked into the doorway as I was describing the day he made the decision to trust Christ, and started beaming about what an awesome and exciting decision that was.  Both Summer and Colton have been waiting and hoping for the day Larkyn decides to make a similar decision.  Colton proceeded to ask Larkyn when her spiritual birthday was.  I always get uncomfortable in these types of situations because I don't want Larkyn to ever feel pressured into making a decision that isn't heartfelt and I don't want the kids' exuberance for wanting their little sister to trust in Jesus to be the reason Larkyn does.  I want it to be her own decision, when she is ready.  Because we have grown up talking about the older two kids' faith so much, and as a family we talk SO much about asking Jesus to take away our sins, I have had a hard time knowing when/if Larkyn has "owned" it because she has literally grown up talking about believing that Jesus died on the cross to take away our sins as much as she believes the grass is green and the sky is blue.  So anyway, when her older siblings question her about if she has or will ask Jesus to take away her sins (despite their good intentions), I always answer for her saying something like "she will when she is ready".  However, this time, in response to Colton's question, I had a hard time answering for her...

You see, on November 20th (I wrote down the date because it was so memorable) we were having a conversation about various spiritual topics.  One specific topic that came up was the need to ASK Jesus for forgiveness and believe He is God's Son to be forgiven.  While Larkyn has bowed her head many times unprompted during conversations like these and asked God to forgive her sins, this time it felt different.  In the parking lot at Kohls that day, Larkyn bowed her head and told God that she knew she was "really really bad" and asked him to forgive her.  I truly believe she meant it.  However, I couldn't be completely sure based on her age if she truly meant it for life or fully understood what she was doing.  So, I  tucked the date away in my mind and waited to see what would happen in future conversations.  I didn't want to jump the gun and say she had made a decision that she hadn't truly made.  But, ever since that moment, I have often wondered if she DID truly believe and maybe i didn't celebrate the moment as much as I should have.  It's so hard to know!  Either way, I rested in the fact that she understood as much as she currently, age appropriately could, and prayed that her faith would continue to grow.  Anyway...back to the present morning conversation before school when Colton asked Larkyn when her spiritual birthday was, and...

... I couldn't bring myself to answer for her as I usually did, saying, "She will make that decision when she is ready" because I didn't know if maybe she actually already had and I just hadn't acknowledged it as such (after all, it is not up to Mommy to decide when a faith decision is made - only God knows the heart).  So, after a second of being unsure of what to say, I slowly and hesitatingly asked something to the affect of, "...Do you ... want ask Jesus to forgive your sins....or you think you ... already have...?"  I waited for her response...all the time thinking in my head...would she remember that day in November in the parking lot at Kohls?  

Her response surprised me when she immediately said, "I already did with Grandma and Grandpa!".  I was so surprised at her answer because I had no idea what she was talking about!!!!  I said, "Like on a Tuesday night when Mommy and Daddy were at Bible study?"  And she said, "no, during the day".  Larkyn spends each Tuesday with Grandma and Grandpa when I volunteer at school, so I made a mental note to ask them about this comment, and then we snapped back to real life hustle and bustle getting ready for school.

After I got the older two to school, and the crazy was over, I texted Grandma and told her what Larkyn had said, and asked her if she remembered what Larkyn may be talking about.

Grandma texted back,

"Oh, my!  Both Dad and I didn't think too much of it at the time, but since she remembers maybe we should have.  We were driving down to BK for lunch a couple of weeks ago and we were talking about obedience and then about Jesus and we talked about how we all need to ask Jesus to forgive us and she said something about that she just did. The convo ended and we both agreed that it didn't seem like she realized what she had said."

I told Grandma that I was keeping a record of Larkyn's spiritual journey and would she by any chance remember the date?  She keeps an excellent calendar and after looking it up, determined that they went to Burger King on January 16th. I jotted down the date on a post-it.

Well, I took a little while and finished some morning chores, and prayed that if this was a real faith decision moment, that Larkyn would be able to recall the account in enough detail that I would know that it was real.  A little while later, Larkyn came into the room driving Paw Patrol Sky in her helicopter and we chatted about what mission Sky was on.  Then, I sat down and said, "Larkyn, can you tell me more about what you were telling me about this morning about the special time you had with Grandma and Grandpa?"  Inwardly, I wondered if she would even remember our morning conversation, as it was so brief, but I didn't want to give any leading questions.  I just wanted to hear about the moment straight from her.

Her face lit up and she got a big smile and she said, "I asked Jesus to forgive my sins!!!"  I smiled and said, "Can you tell me where you were?" ( Before she had told me she with Grandma and Grandpa, but no more.  My mom had remembered they were on their way to BK, and I wanted to know if Larkyn was referring to the same moment my mom had remembered.)  Larkyn answered, "In the car".  I started to smile inside! I then asked, "Can you tell me what you said?"  As if she was reenacting it, she immediately bowed her head, closed her eyes, folded her little hands, and said, "Dear God, would you please take away my sins?" and then she looked up at me with a big smile.  I jumped up, hugged her tight, and exclaimed, "LARKYN!  Did you know what this means????  Where will you get to go when you die?"  And she sad, "HEAVEN!!!!"  And we jumped and danced around and I told her that next January 16th we will be celebrating HER 1st spiritual birthday!!!!!!!!!!!

Her older siblings were very excited to hear the news after school!


The Baum Family said...

Yay!!!!!! So excited for you Larkyn!

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