Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Fear: a new emotion for Summer

While Summer has used the term "scared" for the past few months to refer to how she is feeling about a tornado siren or a sprinkler, last night was the first time her fear was really hard on her Mommy's heart.  When we put Summer to bed, we didn't realize there was a fly in her room.  When we heard her crying, we went in her room and she told us there was a "buggy" in her room.  Unfortunately, there were two flies in her room and she saw another one a bit later.  Even though we put that one in the trash as well, she kept waking up thinking there were more "buggies" in her room.  She thought the nail hole in her window sill was a buggie, she thought the shadow on the ceiling of the fan pull when it wiggled in the breeze of the fan was a buggie, she thought the dots on her blankie were buggies....poor thing!  Each time we would go into her room she would be hiding under her blankie crying.  After we would tuck her in again, she would be talking to herself  saying "buggie all gone.  Mommy and Daddy threw it away", trying to reassure herself they were all gone.  OUCH--my heart hurt so badly for her wanting to take away her fear.  To top it off, we had one of our BIGGEST thunderstorms of the spring last night, so thunder was banging outside making it even worse, and a power outage made her nightlight, fan, and music turn off.  What a little sweetie though.  She just wanted to be held.  I laid in bed with her for quite a while and we talked about the rain "giving the grass a drink of water" and that thunder "was when the clouds were bumping into each other".  Over and over we talked about what was outside, and what we were going to do the next day, and that all the buggies were gone.  While it was a night of little to no sleep for me, for some odd reason I will actually cherish last night....it was actually a really special time for the two of us, as we chatted away all cuddled up with the lightning flashing outside.  It was the first time I experienced fear in my child and wanting to do everything to comfort her....I wonder if that is how God feels when we are scared.  Sometimes it is so hard to trust Him that he has the "buggies" under control.....

**When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Psalm 56:3**

5 comments:

Jill said...

This grandma has tears in her eyes from reading this post. So sweet. Being a mom is life changing....permanently. It's like a piece of your heart is walking around outside your body. I know because I still feel that way about my "baby" who is all grown up and a mommy to her own babies now.

The Baum Family said...

I can totally relate! Cruz has been having nightmares. He wakes up screaming and he is shaky and sweaty. He clings to me so tightly when I go into his room. It's heartbreaking. You are such a great mom, Kel!

Kristin K said...

This is probably the sweetest thing I've read in a long time. You wrote it beautifully - and you are such a good mom!!

Kay said...

Kelly, I thought about you and Summer all day today. A mother's love is so amazing! Summer is so blessed to have you for her Mom. You will feel her pain and her joy more deeply than she will ever know, until she is a Mom herself!

Unknown said...

Poor thing! Brandon has had the dreaming where he looks awake once or twice but not a real nightmare yet... This had to be so hard for you!

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