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| Neither of our hair is done, and the picture is blurry. But...it captures the moment I am writing about below, and I forever want to remember this moment! |
This
morning when I got Larkyn up, we were chatting about the day. She knows today is Colton's spiritual
birthday, because we have been talking about and planning for it all week. She started singing "Happy Birthday"
and I think she thought it was Colton's actual birthday! So, I asked her if she knew what a spiritual birthday was. She said "no". I told her that on this day several years
ago, Colton made the decision to ask Jesus to take away his sins and clean out
his heart from all the bad stuff he had done.
Colton walked into the doorway as I was describing the day he made the
decision to trust Christ, and started beaming about what an awesome and
exciting decision that was. Both Summer
and Colton have been waiting and hoping for the day Larkyn decides to make a similar
decision. Colton proceeded to ask Larkyn
when her spiritual birthday was. I always get uncomfortable in these types of
situations because I don't want Larkyn to ever feel pressured into making a
decision that isn't heartfelt and I don't want the kids' exuberance for wanting
their little sister to trust in Jesus to be the reason Larkyn does. I want it to be her own decision, when she is
ready. Because we have grown up talking
about the older two kids' faith so much, and as a family we talk SO much about
asking Jesus to take away our sins, I have had a hard time knowing when/if
Larkyn has "owned" it because she has literally grown up talking
about believing that Jesus died on the cross to take away our sins as much as
she believes the grass is green and the sky is blue. So anyway, when her older siblings question
her about if she has or will ask Jesus to take away her sins (despite their
good intentions), I always answer for her saying something like "she will
when she is ready". However, this time, in response to Colton's
question, I had a hard time answering for
her...
You see, on November 20th (I wrote down the
date because it was so memorable) we were having a conversation about various
spiritual topics. One specific topic
that came up was the need to ASK Jesus for forgiveness and believe He is God's
Son to be forgiven. While Larkyn has bowed
her head many times unprompted during conversations like these and asked God to
forgive her sins, this time it felt different.
In the parking lot at Kohls that day, Larkyn bowed her head and told God
that she knew she was "really really bad" and asked him to forgive
her. I truly believe she meant it. However, I couldn't be completely sure based
on her age if she truly meant it for life or fully understood what she was doing. So, I tucked the date away in my mind and waited to
see what would happen in future conversations.
I didn't want to jump the gun and say she had made a decision that she
hadn't truly made. But, ever since that
moment, I have often wondered if she DID truly believe and maybe i didn't celebrate
the moment as much as I should have. It's
so hard to know! Either way, I rested in
the fact that she understood as much as she currently, age appropriately could,
and prayed that her faith would continue to grow. Anyway...back to the present morning
conversation before school when Colton asked Larkyn when her spiritual birthday
was, and...
... I couldn't bring myself to answer for her as
I usually did, saying, "She will make that decision when she is
ready" because I didn't know if maybe she actually already had
and I just hadn't acknowledged it as such (after all, it is not up to Mommy
to decide when a faith decision is made - only God knows the heart). So, after a second of being unsure of what to
say, I slowly and hesitatingly asked something to the affect of, "...Do
you ... want ....to ask Jesus to forgive your sins....or ....do you think you
... already have...?" I waited for
her response...all the time thinking in my head...would she remember that day in
November in the parking lot at Kohls?
Her response surprised me when she immediately said, "I
already did with Grandma and Grandpa!".
I was so surprised at her answer because I had no idea what she was
talking about!!!! I said, "Like on
a Tuesday night when Mommy and Daddy were at Bible study?" And she said, "no, during the
day". Larkyn spends each Tuesday
with Grandma and Grandpa when I volunteer at school, so I made a mental note to
ask them about this comment, and then we snapped back to real life hustle and
bustle getting ready for school.
After I got the older two to school, and the crazy was over,
I texted Grandma and told her what Larkyn had said, and asked her if she
remembered what Larkyn may be talking about.
Grandma texted back,
"Oh, my! Both Dad and I didn't think too much of it at
the time, but since she remembers maybe we should have. We were driving down to BK for lunch a couple
of weeks ago and we were talking about obedience and then about Jesus and we
talked about how we all need to ask Jesus to forgive us and she said something
about that she just did. The convo ended and we both agreed that it didn't seem
like she realized what she had said."
I told Grandma that I was keeping a record of Larkyn's
spiritual journey and would she by any chance remember the date? She keeps an excellent calendar and after
looking it up, determined that they went to Burger King on January 16th. I
jotted down the date on a post-it.
Well, I took a little while and finished some morning
chores, and prayed that if this was a real faith decision moment, that Larkyn
would be able to recall the account in enough detail that I would know that it
was real. A little while later, Larkyn
came into the room driving Paw Patrol Sky in her helicopter and we chatted
about what mission Sky was on. Then, I
sat down and said, "Larkyn, can you tell me more about what you were
telling me about this morning about the special time you had with Grandma and
Grandpa?" Inwardly, I wondered if
she would even remember our morning conversation, as it was so brief, but I
didn't want to give any leading questions.
I just wanted to hear about the moment straight from her.
Her face lit up and she got a big smile and she said,
"I asked Jesus to forgive my sins!!!"
I smiled and said, "Can you tell me where you were?" ( Before
she had told me she with Grandma and Grandpa, but no more. My mom had remembered they were on their way
to BK, and I wanted to know if Larkyn was referring to the same moment my mom
had remembered.) Larkyn answered,
"In the car". I started to
smile inside! I then asked, "Can you tell me what you said?" As if she was reenacting it, she immediately
bowed her head, closed her eyes, folded her little hands, and said, "Dear God,
would you please take away my sins?" and then she looked up at me with a
big smile. I jumped up, hugged her
tight, and exclaimed, "LARKYN! Did
you know what this means???? Where will
you get to go when you die?" And
she sad, "HEAVEN!!!!" And we
jumped and danced around and I told her that next January 16th we will be
celebrating HER 1st spiritual birthday!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Her older siblings were very excited to hear the news after school! |
